Definitely my pessimism. I know it affects me, and I know it affects those around me. It seems that if I always think the worst can happen, then when better than the worst happens, it's a wonderful joy for me. But it's a hard way to live, and I'd surely like to have joy in my life without having to trick it into being there. So- thud! there it goes into the Surrender box. I only hope I can figure out a way to survive without it.